The joy of a baby boy after three heartbreaking miscarriages
An interview with Tylar-Rose
A brief overview of my life
I’m 29, I live on the Gold Coast and am originally from Ocean Shores (near Byron Bay). I’ve had an amazing life so far and have been blessed with a beautiful loving, caring, christian family and plenty of amazing friends. My childhood and upbringing are full of only awesome fun and happy memories and my two sisters are also my two best friends. I feel truly blessed to have my life! I love to travel and have spent a lot of time throughout England and Europe exploring this beautiful world and I’m now settled here on the Gold Coast with my precious 7 month old son. Life is good! There has been a very sad chapter in my life – when my 3 angels went to heaven.
My experience of losing three precious babies and what it is like today to have an amazing son in my life
I sat at the bus stop in Melbourne watching the rain in an excited daze. An overwhelming tonne of emotions were hitting me like I was been pelted with rocks! Happy, sad, excited, scared, worried, nervous, confused, amazed… My heart raced and I was scared of the unknown but so excited to think there was a little miracle growing inside my tummy at that very moment. And I just sat there for so long holding my tummy, freezing cold, listening to the rain and taking it all in.
The moment it became so real was at my first ultrasound where I heard my baby’s heartbeat echoing around the small dark clinical ultrasound room and that sound still echoes through me every day. It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard and it was a solid beating of a beautiful little soul, so strong and so precious. That single moment, in all my moments, was one I will treasure forever!
At 6 weeks I felt a sharp pain and by the next morning my world had crashed and my little miracle was gone.
That was the longest, scariest, most painful night of my life and I suddenly felt completely alone and empty, curled up in a ball on the shower floor while my unsupportive boyfriend turned up the tv to drown out the sound of my cries.
This was the worst day of my life.
After my first miscarriage I felt like there could never be anything worse in life and in my world to ever happen to me again – I shut down and nothing felt like it had any meaning anymore – but slowly I felt happy again and life went on.
A few months later I found out I was pregnant again. My second little miracle left me at 8 weeks and once again my world broke apart – My third little miracle went to heaven at 10 weeks.
There are no words that can possibly describe the heartbreak, sadness, pain and disappointment that I felt at that last moment when all my hopefulness was shattered again for the third time. I was on a vicious rollercoaster and it was burning me up!
I left Melbourne and accepted the realisation that I was not meant to have any ties to my pathetic excuse for a boyfriend and that it was Gods way and reason for me to be able to walk away from him and start fresh. It was not the right time or person to have my babies with and as sad as it was to go through all that, I’m so grateful I got away from that relationship to start my life again free of any ties to him.
I didn’t know if I could ever have children. I felt like there was something wrong with my body and maybe, just maybe, I could not carry a child for some crazy unknown reason! But I always said “when it’s meant to happen, it will”, and I truly believed that.
After a few years all my doubts were blown away and I carried my fourth beautiful miracle through to 9 months! My angel Oziah is 7 months old now and is the strongest, healthiest, most beautiful, precious, amazing little man and I get to treasure every second of the day and appreciate what a miracle he truly is!
I never knew it was possible to love someone so much! Life as a mummy to my beautiful son is truly the best thing in the world! Nothing compares to being a mum!
What it means to have some beautiful images taken through the Frames of Hope project
These photos mean the absolute world to me! I will cherish our photos forever because they captured such special moments. Being a single mum I cannot splurge on expensive photo shoots so it was a real blessing from Bec to give me these pictures.
The thing that kept you going through such a hard time?
God. I prayed my little heart out for God to give me strength and take away the pain of losing my babies. And he did.
I am most thankful for
I thank God everyday for giving me my son. But also I’m thankful for my family – they supported me, encouraged me, and helped me through a really tough time and they honour and remember my 3 angels constantly! They gave me a special ring with 3 diamonds to represent my 3 babies and I never take it off. That are with me ever step I take. My family have taught me how to be a great mommy to Oziah and I am sooooooo thankful for all their love and support!